New Year’s Resolutions from the West End


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New Year’s Resolutions from the West End

I resolve to...We’re now three weeks into the new year – so who’s not broken their new year’s resolution yet? I gave up making resolutions years ago because I never manage to keep to them, along with most of the population I’d wager. We’ve all done it. 1st January rolls around and, eyes bright with renewed hope, we promise ourselves all kinds of things to make sure we’ll be getting the most out of this year ahead: “This year, I will give up smoking for good.” “This year, I will go to the gym. Every day.” “This year, I’ll work harder and finally get that promotion.” Whatever changes we vow to make, chances are that most of us will have reneged on all those earnest words by this point. Those nicotine cravings were probably just too strong to overcome, and you meant to go to the gym but you’ve been so busy… and you would have signed up for that overtime, but it would have been rude to miss your friend’s neighbour’s BBQ wouldn’t it? The truth is that, after a few weeks, you’ve gotten back into the routine of daily life and the appeal of those resolutions seem to have lost their lustre. We all know we’re unlikely to keep to them, yet the funny thing is that we still do it anyway because, even though we know deep down that we’re making empty promises, we love to think that we’re taking an active step towards the perfect life.

The inhabitants of the West End are no different. I spoke to some of your favourite West End characters to find out what their new year’s resolutions were and how they’re getting on with them:

The Phantom (The Phantom of the Opera)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“To get a bit more of a life really. Last year, I pretty much stayed at home and kept to myself. I was all about my work you see. I’m a composer.  It wasn’t doing me any good though. I’ve had a bit of a, well an obsession I suppose, with this soprano in the opera house, Christine her name is. I won’t go into details, but I did some things… I couldn’t help it; that voice! So beautiful, so pure… a perfect instrument. Oh how she inspires me. She sings and I hear glorious melodies in my head! Oh, my Christine…”

Um, so how’s the resolution going?

“…..It’s an ongoing process.”

 Inspector Javert (Les Miserables)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“To finally catch that convict, Jean Valjean. He’s been running from me for years now and I’ve had him within my grasp so many times, only for him to slip away again. Not this year though. I swear by the stars, this is the year I hunt the scum down and throw him back in that jail where he belongs! ”

How is your resolution going?

“I’ve gotten myself an informant here in Paris, a con-artist by the name of Thernadier. He’s tipped me off that Valjean is living here in my city, right under my very nose! As soon as the location of his whereabouts has been confirmed, he will be mine and I shall finally bring him to justice. He will learn that it is honest work and just rewards that are the way to please the Lord. Then….actually, I don’t know what I’ll do then. I’ve been a little fixated on this Valjean problem. Ah.”

 Roxie Hart (Chicago)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“Not to cheat on my husband. I met this guy, Fred Casely, and he made it obvious how much he wants me… I was attracted to him. Amos is incredibly dull, but he’s a good man and he does love me. Still, that Fred…”

How is your resolution going?

“I’m in jail and being charged with the murder of my lover. What do you think?”

Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“Oh my God, it was super awesome! My new year’s resolution was to go to law school. I know right? Me! It was part of my plan to win Warner back.Once I was a law student, he’d see like, how perfect we are for each other. That engagement ring was so mine!”

How is your resolution going?

“Well… I made it to law school! It hasn’t worked out exactly like I thought it would though. Everyone there is kinda mean and Warner – can you believe he’s engaged to this super bitch by the name of Vivienne Kensington? I mean, what kind of a name is that anyway? It’s okay though, us Delta Nu girls know how to get what we want. I just know we’re going to end up together.”

 Bobby Childs (Crazy For You)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“To make it as a dancer. My mother has been really pushing for me to follow her into the family banking business, but all I want to do is dance on stage! I know I’ve got what it takes, if Mr Zangler would only give me a chance to prove it… I was determined to audition for him and this time, I wouldn’t muck it up.”

How is your resolution going?

“I got the audition – but I mucked it up. Life’s strange though; I’ve ended up in this little town called Deadrock in Nevada where I was supposed to foreclose on this theatre, but instead, I’m masquerading as Mr Zangler and producing a show to save the theatre and win the love of this girl Polly. Is it to late to change my resolution?”

Shrek (Shrek The Musical)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“To get those damn fairytale creatures off of my swamp and back where they came from. I just wanted to be left alone. I was quite happy to spend my days  farting in my mud-bath and eating weed rat stew (I make a mean weed rat stew!) – oh, and scaring away the local villagers with my terrifying ogre ways. What more could I want?”

How is your resolution going?

“Well; the fairytale creatures are gone. But now I’m married – and I have this annoying talking donkey for a best friend, who comes over all the time. I still don’t like people on my swamp, but I don’t mind having Fiona here with me and, one good thing about being an ogre, is that I don’t have to deal with any in-laws! Nope. It’s just me and Fiona….and Donkey.”

Sophie Sheridan (Mamma Mia)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“To find my father. I’m getting married and I really wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, but I don’t know who he is! Mom doesn’t like to talk about it though. She raised me all on her own. I love her, but I just had to find my dad.”

How is your resolution going?

“What have I done? I found my mom’s old diary and found out I had three possible dad’s, so I did something crazy; I invited them all to my wedding. I thought if I could get them here, I’d be able to tell which one was my dad, but it’s a disaster! They figured out why they were here, and  now they all think they’re my dad and that they’re going to walk me down the aisle tomorrow. What am I going to do?”

Matilda Wormwood (Matilda The Musical)

What was your new year’s resolution?

“I wanted to make my family better people. My dad isn’t a very good man; he cheats and he lies, and all my mum cares about is her dancing. My brother Michael isn’t very nice to me either. All they do is watch TV and yell at me. I read books about parents who tuck their children in at night, read them a bedtime story and tell them that they love them. I wanted to make my mum and dad like the ones in the books.”

How is your resolution going?

“I thought if I punished them whenever they did something bad, they might learn to be nice. Dad has green hair and a hat super-glued to his head, but he’s still cheating, lying and yelling at me. I’ll keep trying though. After all, ‘if you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change’. That’s what I always say anyway.”

By Julie Robinson (@missjulie25)

16th January 2012